Scribbling and blabbering

Todays prompt was; Why do you write?

Writing has always been a way to express my feelings, parse my thoughts together and tell my deepest secrets.

When I was younger I always wrote to my diaries, made stories about anything and also read a lot of books. I pretty much lived in those fantasy worlds. Bookworld was so much more interesting, than the world I was living in. All the big themes about friendships, family, all those big emotions you could relate to. To cry and to laugh, to feel the butterflies whenever they would fall in love. As I got older, reading became harder. I knew i would get too deep into the books, and I had no time to get that invested with them. Hyperfocusing the things I love. Or that’s what I’ve been telling myself for years. Until I found one self-growth book and started listening to it as an audio book. I got attached to it, but at the same time I could do other things. That made things for me a lot more easier – except sometimes I just can’t do anything else than just lay down and listen so I could focus what it says.

In my diaries I talked about my crushes or daily life, meeting friends or whenever I felt lonely. At first it was not that deep but as the years went by they were more intimate, more personal. Insecurities and newest obsessions. Then I made blogs about it – to deal with my mental health and teenage-year eating disorder. It was a way to talk about the things that was constantly consuming my mind.

Writing my dreams after waking up, was something I did as a kiddo. My dreams were always really absurd and even awake I had a lot of imagination. Making stories while drawing a picture, seeing strangers and making background stories for them with my friends.

At school I was pretty good with Finnish language and literature. And somehow those teacher’s saw some potential in me. I remember one highschool teacher saying that she saw a prompt in one teacher-magazine about memorable students and she said to me that I would be like that to her. She always praised my writings for being emotional, deep and brave. She admired my ability to be vulnerable with my writing and thought it was courageous. Other teacher in upper secondary school said after the matriculation examinations that she thinks I could have done even better as she thinks I’m a good writer. In my defence about the exam results – I’m pretty decent as long as the theme or title is somewhat interesting. I need to have some opinions or ideas or thoughts about these subjects. Third literature teacher on creative literature class, wrote on a course feedback that I have a talent to express my feelings through my text and that she enjoyed to read my project. Got A+ from that. I felt a bit proud tbh.

I really wish I could write something meaningful or touching. Something people could relate to. And I want to get better with it. I think I have a lot to get better with. Sometimes the starting is the hardest part.