Language buzz

What language do you wish you could speak?

I wish I could learn many different languages. When you understand something for example written text in other languages you have this big “Woah”- moment, where you start to add things together, or at least it’s like that for me. I’ve been atm kinda learning many languages on duolingo. But when I was in my upper secondary high I studied russian and swedish. I know basics of them but I’m not sure if I could hold a conversations. Sincerely hope I will one day. English we started studying at the age of 9-10. Nowadays I’ve heard they start it already on the first grade (7-8yo).

I’m frequently having these new language obsessions, where I’m really into learning them and finding similarities and differences with the same words. I’m adding them together and feeling victorious, inspired and utterly facinated. So much similarities – at least in the same language families. How many doors would be open to a different places and coultures – when you understand even some basics. It would be amazing to read native books in their native languages. Watching movies and listening to music from totally different coultures. So much beauty and richness.

I think it’s a treasure to have so much variety. I wish there would be even more appreciation towards different coultures and languages. Nothing is completely bad or good, there are always many perspectives to take into consideration.

Colorschemes and being a busybee

I’ve been busy with work and schoolwork so I haven’t been able to write, and I know it’s kinda excuse as well because I’ve had some time where I could have done these prompts but I chose not to. Instead I chose well-needed rest and reset for my mind.
If I’m totally honest – I feel a bit sad that I haven’t been writing.

I’m so behind with all of these prompts, but when I saw this “What color describes your personality” two came right to my head. Well actually way more that that, mostly shades of blue, orange and yellow with a hint of warm red.

Colors I’m super into right now are shades of red, orange and yellow, mixed just like in the autumn leaves.

But if I would need to choose my favorite one – I could never as it changes with my mood and everything. I just love all of them.

So I needed to pick two of my favorite ones, which I think somehow would radiate myself. I went to a google and just watched these shades and picked the ones that felt right – for today.

Dandelion yellow and Cornflower blue.

I have no idea what the meaning of these two could be, so I ended up searching more info on the internet.

Dandelion flower meaning optimism growth and good luck. Yellow dandelion signifies optimism, growth, happiness, good health, peace and friendship.

All of those aspects are really high valued in my life. I’m generally really optimistic person and I’m always wanting to grow and find a way to be a better person. Wanting more from my life than what is it – still trying to find the thing that speaks to me – in a way “sadly” there are too many things I want to see and experience. At the moment it is working with kids and make their days brighter and teach them about many awesome things but who knows about the future.

Blue cornflower is seen as a symbol of freedom, vastness, courage and hope. Blue is also a color of honesty, loyalty and responsibility. love, fertility, hope, anticipation, patience, elegance, delicacy, refinement and single blessedness.

Freedom has always been something that I’ve craved for, freedom as a feeling when you can make your own choices and be proud of them. I tend to feel really anxious if I would need to stay in one job for the rest of my life or if I don’t have any abilities to change my mind whenever I feel like it. Sometimes it is conflicting with my need of stability and routine as I really get frustrated and bored with it. Needing structure but wanting to change it when it becomes dull.

Conquer yourself

What fear have you conquered?

This question is pretty hard to answer. I have many fears but frankly I’m not sure how many I have conquered. Either way, one thing came straight to my mind when I read the question.

Trip to Gdansk, Poland

I talked with a dear friend of mine. He was telling me his adventures all over the world and I really got inspired. I made a plan to go somewhere relatively close, as this was going to be my first trip alone, to a completely different country. I bought the plane tickets there pretty much out of my impulsive hyper energy phase and after that I checked out some pretty cheap hostel and made reservations. Tickets and the hostel for 3 days were barely over 120€.

It made me so excited – this was my own merit for “knowing I can do anything”. One day before the flight I was so nervous that I would have been late or forgot something. I had one backpack ready with some clothes and passport. I wanted to travel light, go on a budget but still enjoy every moment.

When I got there I wanted to take photos of everything. Things I found beautiful, no matter how common it would be, all the foods and views, buildings and small little things. And to be honest, I fell in love. I fell in love with everything.

The amount of freedom, waking up whenever you want to and just going wherever you want to go, visiting weird places and all the small corner cafes. No obligations, just you having adventures and taking photos of everything. Architecture, birds, old buildings and churches.

I just love waffles and this was a dream come true

It felt empowering. I was the one in control.

And being there just felt right, but late at night I had this small feeling that maybe it would have been nice to share this feeling with someone else.

Overcoming the myth people always told me; you could not travel alone, it’s too dangerous.

Second conquest I had when I visited Bazylika Mariacka. As I mentioned in my earlier post; I’m afraid of heights. In a plane it’s not that bad, but when I walked the stairs to the roof of the church I definitely felt like fainting, legs shaking, hands touching the bricky walls. More than 3 times I was ready to return back, but kept going. I didn’t want to give up. I was already in a new country, I didn’t come this far to just be defeated by my own mind.

Beautiful Stained class

I loved all the small details

But I am happy to announce you that eventually I made it to the roof. And that, my dear friends, felt like I was winning in life. It felt that nothing could stop me anymore. Going back down was a joy, I felt that I am more than I was before. Talked with totally stranger british group while they were going to the roof, they were all lovely ladies staying in Gdynia. I enjoyed our brief chat – feeling even more victorious of my sudden bravery.

It was breathtakingly beautiful view

Almost crawled these stairs

I’m craving to get back. Addicted to the feeling of freedom, seeing new places. I probably got overboad with these pictures, but seeing them makes me extremely happy, traveling back in time and just feeling the same feelings I had while being in there.

I fell in love – I fell in love and am longing for the moments.

Movie-like travel dreams

I’ve been super busy with work these couple of days and today was my first day back at school. At the same time I was super excited but still a little bit bored as the first days are always just general stuff and not so much learning.

Now I’m trying to catch up with these posts. I feel like I’m slacking even though I have legitimate reasons.

What is your preferred mode of travel?

I love to travel in every way. Depending on where I’m going and how much time I have to spare. But if I’d need to choose my most preferred ones I would say traveling by bus, car or train.

There are just those visual movie-like moments I’m romanticizing, you could picture all the roadtrips with summer breeze, lonely and rainy bus windows in a countryside, rythmic sound of train wheels passing over a rail joints.

I have a fear of flying but it’s one of the cheapest and fastest way to a different countries so i don’t complain. Seeing the clouds and all the buildings makes me extremely excited even when I’m afraid we fall to our deaths.

Cruise ships are always full of people, crowds shopping and drinking alcohol and it makes me anxious, but there is still its own perks. I love watching the waves and being on the deck or sitting by the window just ignoring the other world. Mesmerizing nature. Sailing would be pretty awesome thing to experience even once in a lifetime.

Normally I would go to work either by bus or with my electric scooter. I don’t have my own car as owning one is pretty expensive, at least in Finland and with these fuel prizes probably everywhere in the world.

Tedious but necessary –

What chore do you find the most challenging to do?

Yesterday I should have done a lot of things, instead I found myself covering under blankets and binge-watching the newest season of the Vikings Valhalla. I felt bad about my procrastination but the enjoyment from a good show won the fight. Aftermath of my actions made me definitely feel worse after realizing my whole day went by without anything productive done.

If I would need to think about one challenging household chore, I wouldn’t have any. If I’m really not feeling them – it’s really hard for me to do any chores even though I enjoy doing them whenever I have my ‘cleaning moods’. Procrastination is sometimes your worst enemy. You really want to get things done, but just can’t get enough motivation to do them, so you just lay there paralyzed. Scrolling social media or doing dishes? Watching videos or vacuuming? I do it later, after this x thing I’m doing, in a sec. Seconds turn to hours and then it’s already time for bed. And it’s not like cleaning would take a lot of your time if you just start doing it. It just feels like forever and the list seems way longer on your mind. Switching between tasks is not easy, if you are doing something way more fun or entertaining.

But as the chore’s definition is “tedious but necessary task”, I could also say that filing my income tax return is one of the most challenging tasks. I really don’t enjoy doing it at all, however nowadays I know how to do it somehow properly. Eitherway I’m still wondering why they don’t teach these things at schools as it’s pretty much mandatory to at least check them out if you don’t want to get suprise bills at the end of the year.

To be or not to be successful;

How do you define success?

Success;
the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

Oxford Languages

Being successful means so many different things to people. Therefore there are unlimited ways to be successful. Depending on your own goals and values.

Having good relationships with others would be success for some and some would calculate success financially or by acquiring their financial goals.

This whole subject is really hard, but i also found a pretty cool and relatable article about how to define success.

Defining success in my own life
I’m not 100 percent sure if I’m successful as the goals and dreams change over some period of time. You always want more or at least are craving for something more, was it learning new things or being a little bit better etc. But if the definition is accomplishing your goals – I have accomplished many things. I finished high school and upper secondary high, got my driver’s license, occupation and a job which I am pretty good at. I am able to pay my own bills and have attained a good relationship with myself over the years. I have amazing relationship with my family and friends. Also having my own support and drive towards “being more and learning more”.
Maybe then I am successful after all – in my own way.

Success is trying your hardest to get where you want to go or trying to be the best version of yourself, being happy most of the time and maintain good relations with others. I wouldn’t mind being succesful financially in the future – but for me that is not the only right way for success.

Little bit of Melancholy

Has a book changed your life?

When I was a teenager I stumbled across a book called “I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live” by Ann Heberlein. And I recall it being relatable as I felt pretty depressed back then. I read so many books similar to that, autobiographical books with deep emotions and vulnerabilities. Things that are raw and full of topics hard to talk about.

Two most memorable books were finnish ones and somehow in their own melancholic worlds I adored them, or well at least cried my eyes off while reading them. Last book was something we read at school and I really could felt the hatred that was burning inside of the main character and really getting her going like an train engine.

Teräsmiehen morsian – Eve Hietamies
“The bride of the Superman” was a story about 30-something woman, a couple growing kinda apart, traumatic childhood, arguments and problems with family members. Too many dissapointments with a slice of dark humour. Even if the book was full of sad moments mixed with memories worth longing for – there still was this little light of happiness in its own kind of way.

I remember reading this book multiple times, but it hit different while I was in a relationship, which sadly was already ending.

“Maybe we just fade away.”

Iltapäivällä tuli levottomuus – Eva Illoinen
I remember I was probably 14 when we had an assignment at school to read a finnish book made in a different era. I found this book from 1980 called “In the afternoon the agitation came” – There are no translations to these books so I need to translate them myself. This book was about mid-aged woman and her “perfect life”, which wasn’t as perfect as it first seemed. There were glimpses from the past mixed with the present. Themes around anxiety, agitation, being afraid of living and “the pain being a woman in the society”, running away into the embraces of alcoholism. For me as a kid reading this book was really harsh. The protagonist was in great agony and i sincerely felt really bad for her and her family; husband and a teenager.

“Did they clearly watch the Death straight to the eyes and knew that it was over. Never feared.”

The Life and Loves of a She-Devil – Fay Weldon
I think this book is called a classic, that is read in schools. Not sure if it’s like that in other countries but at least it was on my upper secondary high‘s reading list. In it’s own dark way – I really enjoyed reading this book. It still makes me wonder how extreme the protagonist went with her ultimate goal to take a revenge to his unfaithful husband. That level of persistent behaviour could lead us far – but I hope it wouldn’t be as ill-mannered as she had. Even if the story was more about fixing yourself to be totally different person, as she wanted (imo) that mistresse’s life (in a way), there is somewhat point to changing yourself to be something you want to be, how it could affect your confidence and really change your life. I don’t support revenge or other’s stealing someone elses life like the protagonist was trying to do – but genuinely trying to be better you and find happiness within yourself and in the way you radiate yourself is something I am cheering for.

“Want revenge. I want power. I want money. I want to be loved and not love in return.”

/ There were many other books important to me while growing up, but these ones came to my mind firstly. It’s kinda sad that as I got older I haven’t read that much. /

Life is a gift, don’t you agree?

What is the most memorable gift you have received?

I could say millions of amazing gifts I’ve gotten from my family and friends. Some home-made and some have been exactly what I needed at the time. Really appreciating the efforts.

But the most memorable or well – important gift for me is this life itself, my family and friendships. All the memories i’ve had and all the memories ahead of me. All the experiences i’ve got through the years, every mistake and even the smallest victories. All the things that had eventually made me the person I am today.

Being alive, breathing, feeling, seeing and tasting. I really don’t know what could be greater than that, do you?

Halcyon moments

Today’s prompt: short story or poem about rain.

I wanted to write a poem. It was a bit hard for me to write a poem in English, but I wanted to try it out anyways.

Halcyon moments;

Gloomy mist
veiled the valleys
with the sacred tears of gods

Pattering raindrops
on the lone cabin roof
Softly dancing
in the dim light

Sound of silence
Mixed with the rhythm
Languid
Deafening
Secretly soothing

Dribbling
down the blurry
cold window
Drip Drop Drip Drop

Placid solitude
To be alone or
to be lonely

Scribbling and blabbering

Todays prompt was; Why do you write?

Writing has always been a way to express my feelings, parse my thoughts together and tell my deepest secrets.

When I was younger I always wrote to my diaries, made stories about anything and also read a lot of books. I pretty much lived in those fantasy worlds. Bookworld was so much more interesting, than the world I was living in. All the big themes about friendships, family, all those big emotions you could relate to. To cry and to laugh, to feel the butterflies whenever they would fall in love. As I got older, reading became harder. I knew i would get too deep into the books, and I had no time to get that invested with them. Hyperfocusing the things I love. Or that’s what I’ve been telling myself for years. Until I found one self-growth book and started listening to it as an audio book. I got attached to it, but at the same time I could do other things. That made things for me a lot more easier – except sometimes I just can’t do anything else than just lay down and listen so I could focus what it says.

In my diaries I talked about my crushes or daily life, meeting friends or whenever I felt lonely. At first it was not that deep but as the years went by they were more intimate, more personal. Insecurities and newest obsessions. Then I made blogs about it – to deal with my mental health and teenage-year eating disorder. It was a way to talk about the things that was constantly consuming my mind.

Writing my dreams after waking up, was something I did as a kiddo. My dreams were always really absurd and even awake I had a lot of imagination. Making stories while drawing a picture, seeing strangers and making background stories for them with my friends.

At school I was pretty good with Finnish language and literature. And somehow those teacher’s saw some potential in me. I remember one highschool teacher saying that she saw a prompt in one teacher-magazine about memorable students and she said to me that I would be like that to her. She always praised my writings for being emotional, deep and brave. She admired my ability to be vulnerable with my writing and thought it was courageous. Other teacher in upper secondary school said after the matriculation examinations that she thinks I could have done even better as she thinks I’m a good writer. In my defence about the exam results – I’m pretty decent as long as the theme or title is somewhat interesting. I need to have some opinions or ideas or thoughts about these subjects. Third literature teacher on creative literature class, wrote on a course feedback that I have a talent to express my feelings through my text and that she enjoyed to read my project. Got A+ from that. I felt a bit proud tbh.

I really wish I could write something meaningful or touching. Something people could relate to. And I want to get better with it. I think I have a lot to get better with. Sometimes the starting is the hardest part.